my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
