Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Your penis caused this!
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