i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
