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All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
