This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
