So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
