Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
