I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
