There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
