don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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