dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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