I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
