Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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