Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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