I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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