my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He passed out mid-signature
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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