Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
