I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
