i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
