Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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