just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
