Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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