so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
