There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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