Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
