): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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