I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
