I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
