What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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