I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
