she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Randomize
