I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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