I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
