I'm going to rape someone's good day.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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