I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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