I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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