He disabled his match.com account in front of me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Are my feet made of real feet?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
