I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
FUCK WHALES
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
