my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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