Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
