Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
