I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
