Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize