: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
