3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
third nipple confirmed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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