it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
