This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
