hell yes lets make some ravioli
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
