I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
