i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
