I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
