remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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