once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
