I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
