Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
