Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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