I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sarcasm needs its own font
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
