ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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