I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
