If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
