I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
