I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
