Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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