I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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