My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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