saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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