ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
