I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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