why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
