I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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