it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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