I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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