Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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