Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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