She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
