I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's the barista slut.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize