You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
