this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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