I just saw a hot homeless man
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
