You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
