Please, let me fuck your mom
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
