Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize