you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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