dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
