i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
