You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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