We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
