just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
