Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
