apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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