I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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