The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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