Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
