Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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