Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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