Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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