I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
